I’m a more mature gay guy. A few years ago I was charmed by a much younger guy. He was an art school leaver, had dreams and ambitions to work in publishing or the art world. At first I was reluctant to get involved because of the age difference, he said it was just a number and he felt connected to me. My heart melted a little, I had previously been in a volatile relationship so this felt so safe and different.
Fast forward a few years. We’re still together, he’s nearly 30 and has no career to speak of, he says he’s trying to launch a video channel on YouTube, but works a few shifts in a fast food restaurant. It doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t contribute fully to the bills, but I just don’t love him any more, I don’t think I ever did, and in fairness I’m not sure I actually like him. I was charmed by his manner and his platitudes. He now just annoys me, he acts like a child, lives his life on social media. His ‘video channel’ is him mumbling to camera in the spare room, he’s been at it for over a year and doesn’t earn any money from it and comes over as very dull and boring, which is how I feel about him in our relationship.
My friends tolerate him, and try to be kind about his artistic endeavours and write on-line comments of support on his social media pages. However, behind his back think he’s a bit of a joke. A mutual friend said most people get a sports car as a mid life crisis I got a younger boyfriend.
I had a heart to heart with my best friend, who is really patient with him and always makes and effort, but when I said I wanted to end things admitted he was surprised things had gone on for so long.
So my question is, not how to make the relationship work, I’m beyond that. My question is, how to I dump him and ask him to move out of my house? His Mum has a spare room, so it’s not as though he’s going to be homeless. What do I say to him?
Your mind seems made up. Age disparity relationships can work, however like many relationships people do grow apart. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
How to end things?
Be honest, open and clear. Sit him down at home with not distractions and calmly explain that things aren’t working for you and you want to bring the relationship to a close. If he asks why, don’t list down all his faults, this could create a toxic volatile situation. Explain that the dynamic between the two of you isn’t working and you’d like him to leave. Offer to give him a couple of weeks to move out and find suitable accommodation, but be clear about the deadline.
The period post breakup can be quite challenging, fill your social calendar with things with friends, keep busy and try not to get into a dialogue with you soon to be ex for a good few weeks after he moves out. Sometimes we can be friends with ex’s, but it’s best to give yourself a bit of a breather.
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