Just divorced wife & want to date men

Dear GayAgonyUncle

I’ve dated girls all of my adult life, with one experience at high school which has left me with the lasting impression that guys are really for me. I’ve been single for two years after the breakdown and resulting divorce from my ex wife. For the last couple of months I’ve been chatting with guys on gay chat rooms with guys, last week I bought a gay adult movie and have watched it at least a dozen times. I am now in my early forties and have no idea on how to date guys, but feel it’s what I want to do.

I have insecurities about being a good gay guy, all the magazines and articles I read on line have these muscle gym bodies, perfect styled hair and live glamorous lives in the media, fashion and design. I work as a carpenter, drive a pick up and have a simple life enjoying country activities, walking, hiking and camping. I’m not out of shape but I don’t have a six pack, I don’t want to shave my beard or body hair off. I was chatting on line with a random guy and he said bears would suit me, I googled it and I think he’s right, they look like a mans man, the type of guy I’d go to the bar with after work.

So in my round about way, my two questions are how do you date a guy? do you think I would get a date?

Henry F



From how you have described yourself, you could well be many guys type, especially within the bear dating scene.

As to dating men, it’s not dissimilar to dating a girl, coffee, drinks, meal out, conversations and a sprinkling of romance involved. Dress appropriately for the venue you are going to, but smart casual is normally the expected norm.

Some gay men work in the areas you describe and dress and present themselves in that way too, however that is not representative of the whole gay male population. Being gay does not define a look or a style.  Just as being straight doesn’t necessarily mean you drive a Volvo, have two kids of each denomination and have a wife at home who does all the cooking and cleaning.

Get out there, explore and have fun.

Need advice? Got a question?
Email the Gay Agony Uncle.

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