I’ve just found out that my partner used to be an escort to pay his way through college. One of my friends recognised him (not an ex-client thankfully) and when I questioned him about it he confessed. He claimed he didn’t tell me because he considers it to be ancient history and not something he’s either ashamed or proud of. I don’t mind him not telling me, I can understand his reasons, but it’s the idea of all the men he must have been with that I find hard to get my head around. (We both tested for STIs when we first got together and had the all-clear).
I’m no paragon of virtue, to be sure, and I’ve had my fair share of men. The idea of him doing it for money is the problem. What makes it worse, sometimes when I think about it I get a little turned-on as well, thinking of him with all those men.
He doesn’t really want to talk about it, and I still love him, but I’m not sure what to think, say or do!
I can understand how confusing this situation must make you feel. It’s challenging to discover a partner has a hidden secret. Lots of us have hidden secrets. Events from our pasts, that we’re not proud of or want brought out into the open.
I suggest that you focus on the here and now. Concentrate on re-connecting with your partner as he is now, and all the things about him that you fell in love with, not who he was all those years ago.
He may not want to talk about it, but make sure he knows that the lines of communication are open if he ever changes his mind and wants to open up to you.
Meanwhile, you may find it valuable to discuss your feelings with a counsellor, or a relationship therapist. They’d be able to help you get a new perspective on the thoughts and feelings you’re having.
Need advice? Got a question?
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