I keep stuffing things up in a relationship, I go on a big quest to find a good man, do the whole thing of wining, dining, plan futures together. I get him to fall for me, and just as the relationship is getting stable and a happy future is starting I go out and sleep with another man. Then I get dumped and start the whole cycle all over again. I don’t want an open relationship, I want a loving faithful relationship but the moment I’m on the way there I go and stuff it up!
How can I stop this process? I’m now nearing my 40s and want to settle down, but have been saying that for the last ten years!
It does sound as though you are destroying what could be a good foundation for a relationship. This pattern of behaviour is quite common. It’s a combination of fear of commitment and fear of losing out on other opportunities. The chase of a relationship to some is the high feeling, like an Olympic athlete crossing the finish line. But, what happens when you get the Gold medal, is that it?
I would heartily recommend one to one coaching sessions. You would find these invaluable and help you identify the trigger which sets you off destroying a newly formed relationship. When you yourself can identify what it is then you can be more in control of your actions. Currently this pattern is the blueprint you follow, if you want and desire to change you can re-write the blueprint to write a different future.
Need advice? Got a question?
Email the Gay Agony Uncle.