Sex & Cock Size

Dear GayAgonyUncle

I have known my husband for +3 years and we have been married for 4 months, however as me and my husband are both from Very Conservative Christian families, we decided to wait for Sex until after Marriage. We were non-sexually intimate before marriage. We are also divorced with kids and our families are (surprisingly) reasonably accepting of our sexuality/relationship.

Also we very much have the male/female dynamics in our Gay relationship. Meaning he is the Alpha/Muscular Powerlifter Type body personality and I am very much a Feminine/Demure/Androgynous and bottom only (it works for us).

I apologise for the length, there is a lot there I just wanted to best describe the situation/issue.

I HAVE THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:

(1) Penis Envy/Jealousy in gay relationships: Our relationship is not the usual Gay relationship in that we only saw each others private parts/had penetrative sex after marriage due to our religiosity, so since the first time he saw mine and vice-versa, there has been some friction by my husband, because I am bigger than him (7 Inches length x 5 Inches around), he is below Small/Medium (5.3 Inches Length x 4 Inches around). When we are erect you can definitely see the Size difference (you should have seen his face first time he saw it, it was quite literally OMG), I did not realize 7×5 Inches is big!

Ever since our first time this has really frustrated his ego/confidence. He always asks does he satisfy me, I have always told him his size is large enough and he satisfies me. Also another problem is when we both climaxed the first few times (and normally since then) he ejaculated a few drops and it Oozed out gradually, I ejaculated a lot more and shot quite far and hard (I’ve always been that way). This has really got him down as well, we have also had chats he seems ok, but when we make love I can see and feel it bothers him. I just think because he is a 6ft 2in Large/Powerlifter and Alpha/Dominant personality type male, and I was feminine/demure type, he thought his would be larger and he would have a larger load (thats just my assumption).

Also recently I have made it a habit to cum before we make love, so I ejaculate less and get less hard while we have sex. I noticed this has improved things a little and he is less anxious, but I feel less satisfied (I realize probably a bad move), I reckon he will also eventually catch on to what is happening. What do you suggest, please provide some advise and is there also anything else I can do during sex to help him?

(2) Cross dressing in front of Kids: As I mentioned I am quite feminine, so outside work, I regularly cross-dress or dress Androgynously. Normally Nightwear/Chemises/Females dresses/Tops/Jeggings/Jeans and top etc and I also wax my body and have had a mild dabble with hormones. However I see myself as a Feminine guy not a Transgender/TS. We recently agreed with our wives that we will take our 2 boys on a Perm basis (5 and 7), as it was too much of a load for them, (we have 6 kids between us). I do not want to confuse them so we have discussed and I feel it’s best to put my “En-Femme” on the back burner. My Husband firmly believe I should just dress up as normal and I have spoken to a few of my CD/Trans friend they also think just do it in front of the kids but also show and explain to them how you transform from “Sam to Sami”, also how do I explain to my boys why daddy goes en-femme and wears female clothing (In a child centric manner), any advice you could provide would be appreciated.

(3) Cumming orally and in the anus: Finally me and my husband had testing done before marriage and recently we are both clean and I am 99% sure he is monogamous. He wants to cum in my Anus during sex (have currently non-condom sex, with lots of lube but he always takes out before cumming), and also I want to Orally take his cum and swallow. Is it safe Swallowing cum and cum in the Anus. What would you suggest, bad idea or OK?

Hope you can provide some advise.

Thanks for your help.

Regards

Sam


Sam

Thanks for connecting. Congratulations on your marriage.

With regards to acting out sexual roles, toss that concept out of the equation, the more you try to act to ‘type’ when certain components don’t fit, the more you try, the more challenges will appear. Find your own way and balance between the two of you, find your own sexual compatibility, gradually and over time. Experiment with new positions and pleasuring each other. Regarding Penis size, we’re all different, and as a rule of thumb the bigger you are the more erectile difficulties will occur in later life.

As to combating jealousy make comments on other physical aspects that your husband has that are impressive. Being vocal when having sex, praising and caressing him will massage his ego more, stop climaxing before sex, when you climax heavily with him you can say he made you do this, because of his sexual prowess.

As to exploring femininity in how you dress, be comfortable with who you are and don’t hide this away. Being honest and upfront with your children. How Daddy dresses shouldn’t impact their daily life, so long as you’re not going to the PTA meeting dressed like a contestant from RuPaul Drag Race, you should be fine. Be aware though of how other less open minded other children and parents are, bullying is rife in schools, and you don’t want your children to be on the receiving end of bullying. This is possibly another aspect of being gay parents that may be worrying, check into local gay family groups so your children have a support network and friends with a similar family dynamic.

As to your final question, it’s concerning that you are only 99% sure he’s monogamous, this needs to be discussed. If you or him are having unprotected sex outside of your relationship you are putting yourself at risk. If you are monogamous and have been tested with no STIs you are totally fine with no risk by having unprotected sex.

If you do decide to open your sexual relationship you should take measures to protect yourselves. Speak to a medical professional who will be able to recommend and suggest protection.

Thanks again for connecting, remember relationships are all different, communication and respect for each other is the key to success.


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